The Pencil Cactus is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet his maker. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It’s kicked the bucket. It’s shuffled off it’s mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.
Gone, gone, gone…………….
THIS IS AN EX-PENCIL CACTUS!!
It’s quite hard to believe that a bit of gardening can turn into a fight to the death with a giant succulent, full of concentrated acid for blood, but it did.
After my first blinding encounter, using a blunt machete and harsh language, I decided to send in the ultimate Pencil Cactus nemesis: my mate Dave and a chainsaw!
The Remington – Sword of Vengeance
The once mighty cacti, towering over 20 feet into the air (remembering that most Pencil Cactus grows to a measly 3 feet in a pot), was brought to its knees by a determined ‘Scouser’ (a chap from Liverpool) with funny goggles and a hat.
At the end, I kind of felt sorry for my worthy adversary. There it was; lovin’ life and growing out of control in the Caribbean sun, when all of a sudden we decide to make a community garden out of its verdant home for the last ten years.
A bit mean, really.
Still, there’s a few smaller ones dotted around outside the greenhouse, so who’s to say that in a decade from now, another poor sap (pun intended), won’t be writing the next chapter of this epic encounter; ‘Pencil Wars – Return of the Killer Cactus’!
Dave – Cactus Warrior
Lowlands Community Garden 
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